WRESTLE MANIA 27


Randy Orton in his first reign as WWE Champion...

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Edge and Alberto opened the show. I got emails from people that had a “leaked script” of the show. Guess what, this match wasn’t the opener. Go figure. … I was finally able to eat durning this match after the Comcast fiasco so I won’t have as many thoughts as I should other than to say I was shocked this was the opener. Edge won in a good match. I didn’t like that he had to be in the opener but it was a strong match and both guys looked good. Hopefully since he won here, Miz can win later to balance things out later on.

FYI, I still hate Comcast and have heard from at least 50 people that have had similar problems ordering the PPV. Vince McMahon needs to kick some cable company ass. There is no excuse for this in this day and age.

Time for Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes. Whoever had Captain America in the pool, you win! Cool outfit for Rey. … There was a funny line by Cole when he said Lawler doesn’t even watch Smackdown. Yes, we all joke around with people whose ass we want kick. It’s called softening them up. I guess. … Sorry for not being able to post much during Edge vs. Alberto. I have to say, I was kind of suprised that they did that one by the numbers. When Christian blocked Del Rio from getting Edge as he killed the Rolls Royce (which no doubt was done to let us poor people get a little heat on those rich mofos that keep us poor), I wondered if he would hit Edge instead. He didn’t. Back to Rey and Cody. … Hey, Cole is a heel. If you didn’t know it, just listen to him during this match. You will be able to hear him since the crowd is nowhere near as jacked as they were for the opener. … Rey is dominating this match. The fans are chanting for Cody and right on time he used the masked on Rey as he tried to nail him on the floor. Cross Rhodes, Cody wins. … Solid match.

We get our first comedy vignette of the night. Snoop Dog is here with Teddy Long. He is looking for talent for his tour. Teddy has lined up some “superstars” (not wrestlers of course). William Regal sucked. So did Khali. Zack Ryder came out, and got a pop (I think because they saw Roddy Piper come up from behind him). RP KO’s Zack. Yoshi Tatsu and Chris I have Titsus sucked, and got bounced. Snoop saw Hornswoggle and Snoop liked him but he can’t talk so Teddy and Snoop left. After they did, Hornswoggle became a rapper, gyrating with The Bellas. I guess he can talk now. I hope everyone that needed too took a leak because that was a great chance to do so.

A break in the action gave me a chance to proof Mike’s dark match post. Man, what a screw job for Daniel Bryan and Sheamus. That is embarrassing.

Speaking of embarrassing, Big Show, Kane, Santino and Kofi just beat The Corre in the time it took me to type the previous sentence. WTF? Hey Vince, maybe Comcast and the other cable companies should only fix their PPV ordering problem when you can fix your pushing young talent problem. Why did we need to see Big Show KO Slater? WHY?

Rock and Eve, at leas she made the PPV. A champ should, after all. Rock wants to make a WrestleMania moment with the next person that came around the corner, it’s Mae Young! She wants some strudel. Rock is doing lame old people jokes. Mae says she will never get old. Rock says take her away to Eve, and Mae gooses him. Rock asked for anyone else to come around the corner and it’s Steve Austin, nice moment and a big pop. These dudes made some serious money together. They say it’s good to see each other and shake hands. Cool moment.

Time for Randal vs. Punk. I have a feeling, don’t ask me why, that Orton will deliver big here. … They announced Punk at 220 pounds and earlier they said Edge was 240. I like it. No need to go ridiculous on guy’s weights. They are all tougher than most of us, a fake weight doesn’t make them any tougher. … I still hate Comcast but at least my heart rate is back to normal. … Nice hop of the steps and kick into Randal by Punk. Cole said that the leg is re-injured, like it wasn’t already injured. Punk is in control. … He is working over the knee. If Orton is able to do a punt after this, someone should kick everyone in creative in the head. … Cole just called Lawler “Jerry”. It’s weird to have them calling the show given they will fight later. … Punk has Orton in the GTS. No way. Orton powers out but Punk kicks him in the head for a two count. Thus far, Orton has been taking an ass beating but Punk went to the top and Randal swept his legs. Randy has crazy eyes now. Uh oh. Randy went up to the top for a Superplex. Will the leg hold? YES! Big spot. Two count only. … Punk is back in control and does a leglock on the post. There is no conceivable way Orton should be able to win, so of course he will. Punk is working this match and Orton is in the role of selling. Unless that changes soon, I don’t see the big match I thought we would get from him happening. … Did I speak too soon? Maybe because Randal is coming back and is now in control, though he is still selling the knee. … Punk used his feet to come back. But Orton hits the DDT off of the second rope. Viper is hitting the mat. WATCH THE SHOULDER RANDAL! … Randal goes for the punt and the leg gave out. Did he forget that happened on Monday, before he took all of the abuse he got tonight? … Punk is about to make his move but Randal went for the RKO. Punk saw it coming and backed out. But, he didn’t see the next one and there’s your pin. … I can’t say I am shocked Orton won but I wouldn’t have booked it. He was hurt and could have lost. Instead, Punk worked really hard and did the job. I can’t say I liked it, but a lot of the fans did and I guess that is all WWE cares about.

Mean Gene is in the back with Rock. I love Mean Gene. Rock says Cena’s number one fan is here to confront him. It’s Pee Wee Herman. No one hipped me to that, dude. Nice pop for Pee Wee. Pee Wee was Cena’s number one fan, but now he is part of team Bring It. Thus far, the Rock stuff has been OK but after the open, it has also been a bit forced.

Hall Of Fame! Abby in a TUX! That is awesome. It was great to see all of these folks, and now it’s time for the big entrance…….the fans are chanting his name…….one more time at Mania it’s Mr. WrestleMania himself! My foot is tapping. I can’t help it, and yeah I know it’s not exactly cool to admit I am tapping my foot to Sexy Boy. That’s life folks. Nice segment.

They just teased JR for the first time but instead it’s Booker. No way they can do Cole vs……..OK I didn’t even get to finish that and out comes JR! Nice shot by Josh saying that JR has been the one starting the rumors of him working at Mania. … Cole comes out looking like a goof in amateur gear and ripped on JR. Cole is dressed in Orange, probably for Syracuse but also to probably rib his old buddy Taz. … Damn, Cole looks fat in that outfit. Hey Cole, if you are gonna wear underwear on PPV you should buff yourself up first. … Steve Austin came out on his camo-four wheeler. Funny stuff. … Out comes The King, in a cool outfit. He is in way better shape than Cole, who is over 15 years his junior. … Cole is a puss and won’t leave the Cole Mine. Austin sicced Lawler on him. Lawler tossed Swagger and now Cole is being a bitch. He didn’t mean it. Don’t hurt me. That ain’t gonna work Cole. Jerry took his hand and pulled him into the glass of the Cole mine. Cole made a great face. Lawler hopped into the Cole Mine and beat him like a dog. He took out of the Mine and ran him into the GM podium. Cole hit the ring and while Austin’s back was turned, Swagger attacked King. Cole kicked Lawler and Swagger ankle locked Lawler while Austin’s back was turned. … It is nice hearing JR call the match, FYI. … Finally, Lawler is in the ring and Cole is on the offensive, and I mean that in both definitions of the word. … Cole is awful and has been in control too long. … Sounds like the fans agree because that sounded like BORING chants to me. They are right. Get to the finish already. … Lawler kind of came back and Swagger threw in a towel. Austin wiped his head with it. Swagger got a Stunner when he complained. … Now it’s time for Cole to get his, as the fans chant “Jerry”. They bleep Austin for the second time when he cursed. This is PPV folks. King is nailing Cole with punches. Damn, a dropkick for a senior citizen? Impressive King! Down go the straps. Big fist. Match over? Not yet says King. Cole needs some more abuse. Ankle lock time. Cole looks to be tapping but Austin is not sure. He has to make double sure. OK, abuse over, Lawler wins. … Then it was beer bash time. Lawler doesn’t drink! They tapped and the camera went off of King, smart. They don’t have to show him pouring it out Booker hit the ring for a beer. The people freaked for a Spinaroonie. More beer and Austin and Booker toast. Booker didn’t know what was coming next but we did. Enjoy that Stunner Book. … Not at all a good match but the ending sequence was exactly what it should have been and what you would expect it to be.

The GM tinked in. Josh has to tell us that the ref overstepped his boundaries and Lawler was DQ’d. The winner is Michael Cole. WEAK! Cole laughed on the ramp. It looks like he has blood in his mouth. Lawler is pissed, as are the fans who are chanting non-PG words. Lawler tossed Josh in the ring and Austin stunned him. That means JR and King are the only two left to call the show. Lucky us!

There is no way anyone but Cole is the GM. He is the only one that makes sense. Time to make him a character on Raw tomorrow night.

The Mania week from Atlanta footage was very cool. It really does show how important of an event Mania is. People can look down on wrestling (sorry Vince) all that they want but it does draw some big dollars.

I like that H picked a Metallica song that had the Taker bell in it. Very cool. Damn, he got TWO intro songs. I hope that doesn’t mean he is breaking the streak. … Ain’t it a shocker that when the show gets serious, all of the sudden it’s JR and Cole and King on the call? … There is a lot of pressure here because the show has been solid, but not blowaway. The pressure is really on these guys. … Johnny Cash is singing, here comes Taker. Hope the shoulder can hold up Dead Man. … Cool spot into the Cole Mine early on. I liked it. … SICK backdrop off of the announce table by Taker on H. When H said on that Kliq video “can the camera make us younger” I bet he really wished that right now. … Was that just an UnderTOPE I saw? How the hell does that guy do what he does?????????????? And yeah, I meant to use all of those question marks. … Nice belly to belly by H on the floor. These guys are letting it all hang out. … Two count on the chokeslam! … Dueling chants from the fans. Very cool. … Taker’s shoulder is holding up. Either he got better or he is one of the toughest men whoever walked the planet. Or both. … Game hit the Pedigree, time for Taker to kick out. He did. It’s 1-1. … Last Ride, two count. Undertaker is up 2-1 on the near fall scorecard. … Tombstone, two count. Taker is at 3-1. The HHH haters are getting pissed now. … HHH hit the Pedigree, two count. It’s 3-2 now! Yeah I know, they are not really keeping score. I am. It’s my blog. This is good shit.

I just saw that Hulk Hogan wrote on Twitter: “Turned on mania,can’t believe everybody is just sitting there HH”. Is this guy ridiculously sad or what? Who “turns on” a 55 dollar PPV two and a half hours in? Who doesn’t see how jealous he is of HHH? It’s embarrassing Hulk. If you had one more H, maybe you could have married Stephanie.

Back to the match, it’s another Pedigree. It’s 3-3 on the near fall scoreboard. … Lots of chairshots on Taker. They say that might be it. I don’t think so fellas. … Dueling chants are going on again. They deserve them. … Chairshot to the head of Taker? WTF? Wellness policy out the window? Did you really need to do that spot, and could anyone else in the company get away with it. Back in the day, fine. Now, we know better about concussions. Not cool to do a shot like that to the head WWE, even at Mania. … H is yelling at Taker to stay down and asking what is wrong with him. Taker tries the hand to the throat but “isn’t right” as Lawler said. I guess not, he just got his brain scrambled. … HHH did the throat slash and the tombstone. One, two, NO WAY! My wife said, “H is gonna win”. I said, “NO WAY!” But damn, it was friggin’ close. … HHH is acting like “What do I do now?” Sledgehammer, that’s what. Well, HHH tried to use Taker’s moves on him, it’s time to return the favor. Right? Well no it’s time for The Hell’s Hate. HHH dropped the hammer instead of using it. Bad move for him. HHH is trying to get up and Taker is adding leverage with his arm on his leg. COOL move. HHH got the hammer but it’s too late. He is fading and can’t use it. HHH taps. 19-0. GREAT MATCH! … Off go the fireworks. They deserve them.

After the match, they both sold the battle that they had been through. HHH had blood on his face and nose, but got up first. Ringside fans are clapping. Everyone there should be. That was great. … Taker is finally up and on the floor, for a second. They he wiped out. HHH looked to being going to help him but Scott Armstrong kept him away. … Taker’s music ends and the crowd cheers. Taker is still laying on the floor, selling. Ringside Doc didn’t know what to do. They sent the card down to take Taker to the back. Fans cheered as Taker was helped onto the cart.

WrestleMania is April 1, 2012 in Miami. Which is worse, Sparky Johnson on South Beach or being an April Fool?

Snooki time. She came out last. … Lawler and King are already talking shiznit on Jersey. Watch it bros. … Trish looked good early. She worked well too. … Morrison took out Ziggler with Starship Pain to set up Snooki. She was pretty impressive and pinned Michelle McCool. I can’t say I liked that a celeb pinned McCool but at least she looked good doing it. … It wasn’t really much of a match, more a spectacle. … Oh yeah, Snooki is SHORT. Like ridiculously so.

We have a new record for any “entertainment” event ever in The Georgia Dome, 71,617 fans. I guess the dog show better do better promotion work next year.

Time for the main event, WWE Title match. We haven’t seen The Rock in a while. Call it a hunch, I think that is about to change!

Wow, they have a choir with Cena and then played the religion card for him. Tacky. … The choir sang well but wasn’t Superman enough for Cena? Did he have to be an Archangel too? I swear, I heard people booing his song. … OK, he came out in red, white and blue. He is Uncle Sam Archangel.

But wait, look what Hulk Hogan just tweeted: “Thank God for Cena,now they will stand up. HH”. One, why does he care so much about what WWE is doing? Two, did he charge the PPV to ex-wife Linda’s account?

A lot of fans cheered Miz. I like it.

Adam King just sent word that he has been to SEC Championship games at the Dome that drew over 74,000. Yes Adam, but those were not ENTERTAINMENT my friend. They were, oh I don’t know, sports or some such nonsense.

Miz is in way too much control early. That scares me. Uncle Sam Archangel is coming back and just as many are booing as are cheering. In some cases maybe it’s due to the fact that they liked the guy until he made them buy yet another set of ugly clothes if they want to be his sycophant. … OK, we are about ten minutes in, it’s time for this to heat up. It’s 10:47 already.

Just as I typed that, ref bump and Cena has the pin but no one is there to count. … A Ri hits Cena in the head with the briefcase, two count only. … Miz has the case but misses Cena and hit Riley. Cena does the AA but only got a two. At least Miz looked strong in kicking out of a big move. … Cena clotheslined Miz over the barrier into the crowd. … As Miz was getting up, Cena lays him out again. They are over the wall in the crowd. Neither will make the 10 count. Ref rang the bell, double count out. You know what that means, Rock time. Miz actually was cheered a lot when he was said to be still the champ.

The great one hit the ring. As he did, the GM tinked in. JR went to go get it but Rock said he would handled it. Oh yeah, Cena and Miz are still dead on the floor. … Rock hits the laptop and started reading, setting up a classic “It doesn’t matter what you think”. Rock said he is the host and there is no way that the show is over. This match must restart right now. No DQ, no countout, no nothing. No way the match ends like that. It is time to give the people what they want. Miz and Cena went back to the ring. … Cena went for the AA right away. Miz got away, Cena turned around and it was time for a Rock Bottom. Payback time Pebbles. Miz pinned Cena. The fans popped. Rock stared at Miz as he raised the title over his head. There is unfinished business here folks. … Miz’s music stops and Rock faces off with him. Miz looks a little scared. Rock looks pissed. Into the ring he went. Miz went to hit him with the belt and missed. You can guess what happened next. People’s Elbow. … The show ended with Rock standing tall and his music playing. All I can say is that he better be back for good or else WWE just fed two top guys to the wolves.

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